You’re probably too cynical and far removed from ancient India to view the Buddha’s saying that harboring a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the person you hate to die with anything but snark.
But back in the days before TV, people got a lot of their entertainment from gossip. Also nobody understood hygiene. So you either had been poisoned, thought you had been poisoned, or you knew somebody who had. There were kings and princesses who had been poisoned, and without refrigeration, sanitation, or antibiotics, many commoners who didn’t know any better had been food poisoned at the very least.
I mean, kids are still getting dysentery in underprivileged parts of the world, but it’s hard for us non-true-crime-obsessed folks to really imagine what that’s like. Harboring hatred, trying to get even, fantasizing about setting up elaborate Rube Goldberg traps for the people who wronged you, all that saturates our pop culture. It’s at least half of the martial arts movies out there, as well as countless thrillers from Gone Girl to Reacher. So we need another reason to forgive people in our lives and genuinely wish the best for everybody.
I think I found it:
We all f*ck up.
That’s it.
If someone did something that really hurt you, even if they did it with the meanest intentions, it’s because they f*cked up. The better version of them wouldn’t have done it. The version with better parents, superior genetics, perfect sleep, and a healthy-yet-delicious daily diet doesn’t produce gut bacteria that slowly rots their brains and justifies whatever horrible impulses they acted on.
Perfectly happy, healthy, joyful people don’t cheat, start bar fights, steal bicycles, break windows, shoot innocents, lie to loved ones, let people down, get addicted to drugs, scare children in the streets, molest minors, forget to lock all the doors, they don’t hurt people… and they don’t exist. Not all the time.
So unless you do absolutely nothing and take on zero responsibility during your time on this planet, chances are, you’re going to f*ck up. And when you do, you’re going to want a little forgiveness.
Not just from those around you, but from yourself as well.
So be kind and forgive.
Let go of the grudge, and throw out the poison.
Of course I agree with you.
But let me gently point out one complication: when your life is so awful due to poverty, injustice, and discrimination that you can’t think straight. When you’ve been abused and traumatized to the point that people are more accepting of your violence—at least it seems like respect—so you lash out. When you’ve tried your best to offer the good in yourself and you get trashed, ridiculed, and rejected.
Hard to forgive when no one else has ever forgiven you—let alone given you any opportunity. The oppressors don’t merely f*ck up. They profit because they f*ck over as many people as possible.
Without a doubt, everyone has to reach the level of understanding you’re advocating. But for those who have been crushed face-first into the dirt, they need kindness before they can see the beauty of forgiveness.