I’m not sure if this happens so much in martial arts where people don’t spar, but in Jiu Jitsu, you’ll occasionally hear one of your physical attributes passive-aggressively praised as a back-handed compliment.
The big guy who lifts heavy will be told he’s “so strong”.
The natural athlete gets told he’s “really fast”.
Even the smaller, slower guy who executes his submission perfectly hears, “wow, you’re naturally talented,” or “you must train a lot.”
Whatever it takes to salve the ego of the fellow whose ass just got beat.
They may not sound like insults at first, but the art is built around the idea that the technique is king. So to tell somebody that they somehow won by anything else is kind of a putdown.
What the loser is trying to say is that his technique is actually still superior, and he would have won but for (insert differentiating factor here).
I know, because I used to hand out these hurt compliments too, and I occasionally get them as well so the vibe is fresh in my mind (although not as often because I’ve eased off hunting for submissions as I’ve matured in my training).
While not the worst thing one can do, it is nonetheless kind of silly.
Especially when you could be, I don’t know, learning the technique instead.
These days, I’ll just say, “good tap” or “you got me good” and then ask how they did it or how they’d get out if it had been used against them.
That way, I become a better challenge for my opponent next time.
Try it. You’ll find that—miraculously—their non-technical advantages vanish when you do.
It is possible to completely transcend the dominance submission mindset while still playing the game. You will know it happened because you will be laughing and feeling really supported emotionally. In dance it is the feeling of dancing-with and being seen. My mantra for both people doing partner work is, "I'm here to make you smarter, stronger, richer, funnier and better looking." It is probably good to regularly shake up the BJJ game by playing continuously without a submission (you hinted at this), or playing to escape the building, or some other goal like grab the teddybear, disarm the drunken uncle role play, or "okay, I'll play the bad guy now."
I dislike pushing hands with those who never stop talking. It’s abundantly clear how everyone fares. Better to assess that silently.