There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.”
~Oscar Wilde
The Great vs The Tao
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: An eccentric young “genius”, seeing major problems in the world, dreams big and sets out to change it. Years later, he achieves more than anyone could ever dream of, but sees himself no closer to his audacious goal than when he began. Instead, he is confronted with the fact that reality does not bend to his will. His kingdom will not adhere to his vision. His subjects will not behave as they should. The world is infinitely larger and more complex than he ever imagined.
While all may believe that he’s a god, even gods must abide by nature’s laws.
Unwilling to accept that rulers must be ruled by reality, he retreats into the inner cloisters of his palace. If the world won’t accept his vision of paradise, he will create paradise in a world he can control absolutely. Amidst the wine, drugs, and orgies, his unwillingness to tolerate yet more contradictions to his vision lead to further breaks with any who dare challenge him. Soon, his true friends are eliminated and only the yes-men and those too afraid to speak up remain.
Sadly, near-limitless resources also mean a near-limitless capacity for destruction. Had he been a mere mortal, he might have stopped sooner. But unlike the bum who checks into drug-free shelter when he can’t afford even to buy cooking wine, the “genius” won’t survive his fall to rock-bottom.
Instead, he dies.
The how is a hazy mystery brought on in part because nobody around him was sober enough to say exactly what happened, and in part because we do not believe that gods can die.
Cause of death? Excess.
This was the story of Alexander the Great. But it is also the story of Kublai Khan the ruler of the Mongol Empire, Qin Shihuang the first emperor of China, Howard Hughes the billionaire industrialist, Michael Jackson the King of Pop, and most recently, Tony Hsieh.
The son of Taiwanese immigrants, Tony Hsieh built Zappos, revitalized Downtown Las Vegas, and believed, as the title of his book declared, in “Delivering Happiness”.
You Can’t Fight Flow
I am saddened by Tony’s passing. I never knew him personally, but I recognize in him the idealism that once marked much of Silicon Valley. It was the vision of tech I witnessed when I attended SxSW in 2010. It was like the World’s Fair on steroids. Free food everywhere, famous faces on panels, and life-changing gadgets as far as the eye could see. Twitter had just debuted as “the next big thing” there two years ago, and the big controversy was whether Pepsi’s presence and sponsorship would ruin the integrity of the festival.
I went with an older ad executive who sneered at the whole show. He started his career shortly around the dot-com bust of 2001 and weathered the recession of ‘08. While availing himself of the free booze and snacks, he would declare that this was all BS, that it would come down to dollars and cents eventually, and that these kids would have to grow up and run their businesses like businesses.
I so desperately wanted him to be wrong.
But Tony’s death marks the end of that halcyon era. As someone who was young and wide-eyed enough to remember when we thought Twitter was a harbinger of democracy, that Facebook was a facilitator of friendship, I now have to admit that the asshole exec was right.
Today, the biggest corporate sponsors are tech, and the evil of a company whose products cause diabetes if over-consumed pales in comparison to the social media slot machines which facilitate loneliness, swing elections, and spur suicides.
Be Grateful for What’s Real
There is something innate to us humans that makes us want to believe in magic. We attempt the impossible over and over again because we don’t want the world around us to be as bad as it is. We bet big, and when we’re proven right, reality gets better. This blog is being written on proof of that.
But we also over-conflate. We think that because there is the internet, a place where people can communicate with one another instantaneously, that people must eventually become nicer to each other, that we can get rich spending less than 4 hours working every week, that the advertising industry is over.
And when we are proven horribly wrong, it is almost too much to bear.
One inadequate definition for the Tao is “the nature of reality” but it serves our purpose here. When we go with the Tao, that is, with reality, nearly anything seems possible. Wealth seems to come swiftly, growth is easy, and the world seems to line up as we wish. Then, it is easy to fill our gratitude journals. We believe the saying, “Idealism is the only thing that ever saved anybody.”
But idealism will also kill every Icarus who believes it is his own magic, and not the wax and human workmanship holding his wings together, that makes his soaring possible. So many of us want to do the same.
The internet was something of an unknown in Zappos’ heyday. When a technology is brand new, we don’t yet know exactly what the rules are. Even those who become immensely powerful or wealthy off of it can offer guesses at best. But this does not mean that there are no rules, or that we can make the rules whatever we want them to be. And when the rules contradict what we’ve stated them to be, when it turns out the majority of customers would choose cost and convenience over culture, we want to believe so badly that we look the other way.
We pretend that at the end of the day, Zappos isn’t just a more-convenient shoe store in an era when brick and mortar was pretty much the only option. We want to believe instead that the success is because their employees get to do whatever they want, the CEO parties hard every night, and that culture is the only thing that matters. We shun the idea that everything else is only made possible by the fact that there’s only one shoe store on the internet.
But streams go around bends, winds change course, and the world turns. Suddenly, web companies must shut down or sell their members’ data to advertisers, customer service has to service the bottom line, and happiness can only be delivered to those who can afford it. Going against the Tao, everything is nearly impossible. Though we may have gone higher than any mortal before us, our wings are melting, and we must confront the law that what goes up must come down.
Though it is much easier to turn resentful now, it’s far more crucial to stay grateful. When the air is getting thin and the wings begin to sag, be thankful. There’s still time to check our premises and pull back. Realize that nobody can will a world into existence, that even Alexander was only riding a technological trend. Is it any wonder, then, why so many survivors of Silicon Valley today are stoics? Wish as they might for a different reality, they know they must work with the one we’ve got.
To resent the way the world is, to retreat into ones of our own making or seek some drug to convince us that down is up, that the mind can make a heaven of hell, will only end in tragedy.
Get Good at Life Instead
The Tao is not ideal, it is real. It grinds away those who resist. But it also rewards those who move with it, who take time to observe where they are and what they can do to make things better. The world always comes back to what it is. As humans, we can’t help but hope for magical ideals, but it’s crucial to temper them with reason. Figure out how magic works rather than believe in it regardless of whether it works or not.
The reality of happiness and success is this: Do the work, accept criticism from those who love us, and push ourselves to do our utmost when it’s required. Then get enough rest and sleep. You may never conquer the world this way, but you will be happier.
And the world will feel much happier while you’re in it.